apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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