I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
