what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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