I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
Listening to her yell about my drinking problem is not helping my hangover.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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