I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
Randomize