if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I can't ever date him again. Whenever I see his face I just remember helplessly pissing myself in my car.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
