Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I am available for nakedness
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
Randomize
