i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
