Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
Randomize
