new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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