My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
