Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
