Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
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