garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I need to stop coming to work sober
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
YOU ARE THE WORST TRAVEL AGENT! THIS IS A SINGLES CRUSE FOR SENIORS. THEY ALL THINK IM THE FUCKING WAITRESS JUST CAUSE IM BLACK!!!
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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