nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
I think we should start referring to bisexuals as "strays"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Randomize
