who let me buy 6 packs of big league chew? and eat them all? thats not cool
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How's work?
Spinning.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
Randomize
