I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just gift wrapped bread.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
Randomize
