Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Green mimosas i think yes
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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