i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
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