how do flat chested girls get laid?
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
