Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So you've been sexting me while spending time with your family
I'm a family man but I have priorities
Randomize
