I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
Randomize
