Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
whose parrot is this?
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
So. Much. Porn.
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
Randomize
