i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
