Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
