he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
