drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
