Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
You need to stop having girl talk with the guys I'm sleeping with.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
