What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
Not going outside. I may melt into a puddle of wine
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
Randomize
