Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
