You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
