He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
Randomize