Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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