remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
