Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
We need to rekindle our bromance
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
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