He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I told her the job opening requires being on the phone during the week and on my face on the weekends. I think she wants the job.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Randomize
