Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
i woke up this morning and saw her in my bed and i said to myself, I think I might have a drinking problem.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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