I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
