Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
You were trust falling into bushes
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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