buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
Randomize
