Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Randomize
