You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
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