I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Until she magically finds a brain, I'm going to be a dick. Fair trade. She's a idiot, I'm an ass.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
