You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
the guy next to me needed a pen, so I let him take one from my book bag. my panties are now being passed around the class...thank you for telling me you hid them in my bookbag.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize