Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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