She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
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