Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
you are not perverted enough for this relationship to work out.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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