The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
