do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
