is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
