As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
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