Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
