i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
