She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
Randomize
