guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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