i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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