She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
Randomize
