Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
