my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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