she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Randomize
