then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Randomize
