WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
