If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
third nipple confirmed
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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