Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
