I just pynch a tree in the face
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
