Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
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