When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
how many dildos make it a "collection?"
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
