get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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