I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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