He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Scratch one off the douchebag bucket list. Just saw a guy in a sesame street tshirt and a tap out hat. Didn't get the memo that big bird's trying to get into mma.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Randomize
