I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Randomize
