I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
