uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
whered you go
woke up in a ditch, shat infront of a little league game, slept in her stairway...i need to come here more often
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