her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
Last time I had a one night stand he ended up stalking me for two months.
So you're not picking up this weekend?
This weekend, I am Angela, visiting from Calgary. We'll have to roleplay this.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
