Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
Randomize
