i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
