nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
